Life-Hacks All (Fat) Americans Need to Know at the Beach

If you are lucky enough to live near an ocean, going to the beach is one of the few outdoor activities you can still enjoy safely during the Covid crisis.

In the following video, you see an American woman using an ingenious “hack” at a foreign beach. How do I know she’s American? Because she’s overweight. How do I know she’s on a foreign beach? Because no one else in the video is overweight.

This smart beach-goer is protecting herself from the sun’s deadly rays by slathering up with sunblock…using a paint-roller.

That, folks, is American ingenuity at its finest. In that spirit, here are a few other beach-hacks for heavy-set Americans at the beach.

---For her to get her ENTIRE back she probably needed to pick up one of those contractor’s extending poles.

---Don’t forget to bring your Spackle…because I’m noticing at least one big crack you’re going to want to get into.

---Save Room by not packing an umbrella. Not need to bring shade when you ARE shade.

---Keep your phone from getting wet by stowing it in one of your back folds.

---Bring two ice-chests. One for cold drinks. The other for an extra sunscreen. You never know if you’re going to need an extra coat.

---Wear high heels. By the time you walk from the car to the beach, they’ll be a pair of flip-flops.

---Finally, don’t worry about getting in the water. If you lay there long enough, eventually concerned people will try to roll you back in.