The Marlins unveiled many new things at a press event last Friday — a new name (Miami instead of Florida), a new manager in Ozzie Guillen and a new look in game day attire. In sad, but related news, every old person in the state of Florida had a massive stroke at the sight of the new uniforms.

The uniforms look like they were designed in the ’90s, and are now being pulled from a dusty basement out of desperation. Were the alternative choices for new uniform designs so horrible that Marlins brass decided to give up and just use the least ugly? We all know exactly what was wrong with the old uniforms (Hint – EVERYTHING!) but were these atrocities to the eyeballs really the best solution? Maybe the Marlins decided they needed something understated to offset the incredibly tacky home run display they’re installing in their new stadium.

Seriously, Marlins, help us understand exactly what you were going for with this new gear. Oh — but please don’t let Ozzie Guillen explain it to uswe can’t even understand his Twitter account, let alone when he actually speaks.


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