I've lived in El Paso all but 10 years of my life and I've been an eastsider that whole time. I grew up in Cielo Vista so I know that part of town like the back of my hand. Album Park, which the City insists on calling Eastwood Park even though no one else does, is a gorgeous swath of green grass and trees in our otherwise desert landscape but when it rains, a huge lake forms. This is not a bad thing because it keeps that part of the park really lush during the hot summer but it does have a drawback. It is really, really gross.

The lake isn't fed by fresh water so when it starts evaporating, it starts smelling because the water is stagnant. It is also full of gross things like dog poop because people don't clean up after themselves in the park, fertilizers and pesticides that are used by the City, and who knows what else. It is also, as it turns out, crawling with some nightmarishly creepy tapdpole shrimp. If this video doesn't keep you out the water in Album Park I don't know what will.

I mean what the heck? There isn't enough money in the world for me to get into the water at Album if those things are in there. They are called triops longicaudus and they only terrify those of us who live in the desert. They need short-lived water pools to survive which means they love a water source like the lake at Album Park. I don't think you can eat them but for real, who would be brave enough to look at those things long enough to harvest them?

Like I've said before, you really shouldn't go messing around in Album Park.

LOOK: Stunning animal photos from around the world

From grazing Tibetan antelope to migrating monarch butterflies, these 50 photos of wildlife around the world capture the staggering grace of the animal kingdom. The forthcoming gallery runs sequentially from air to land to water, and focuses on birds, land mammals, aquatic life, and insects as they work in pairs or groups, or sometimes all on their own.