Jerome Kiesewetter, you're doing it wrong.

Soccer is supposed to be hard. Frustrating. Exhausting. The world's simplest game but one of the hardest to get right offensively.

Scoring twice a game in every game?

Slow down, Jerome! People will begin to have expectations. Not that they don't already, especially after a 3-1 win over USL Championship – and future MLS – darling, Sacramento Republic FC.

Locomotive FC gets points from every league match you've played after your first one against Phoenix, the first competitive game you had played in months?

Eleven points in five matches for El Paso? And, ahem, six goals in three games for you?

You could've had just the one in Colorado Springs, y'know. Your goalie, Logan Ketterer, and the defense had it sorted, and they had your 46th-minute outrun-everybody, double-nutmeg strike; enough for all three points.

But, no, ten minutes later and you had to make that run, take Omar Salgado's perfect lead ball and roll another past a former MLS keeper to rub it in.

Granted, the pair of goals you scored against New Mexico United last week was needed. United is the highest-scoring team in the Championship. Getting your team its first headed goal was nice, too.

But the two Saturday night against Sacramento FC? Gratuitous.

You just had to score Locomotive's first set piece goal, too, huh?

James Kiffe had already served up a great corner kick. Chiro N'Toko would have probably maybe possibly perchance scored the game-winner in the 63rd all by himself, even with Keven Alemán standing at the far post. So, maybe you didn't need to be in the perfect spot to deflect his shot past all three Sacramento players on the goal line.

But you were, weren't you?

And that next one 10 minutes later? Piling on!

Flying past your mark to kick the ball with the outside of your boot in mid-air? What do you think this is, a Jackie Chan movie?

Just three matches and you've pushed your way into the list of the league's top goal-scorers. Hope that makes you happy.

People might even start calling it "The Beautiful Game" for some reason other than they think they have to because their kids like it.

What are you going to do, then, Jerome? All these people wanting to come watch soccer.

It's almost like you want to give them their money's worth.

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