10 Odd, Self-Published Books Found on Smashwords
The website Smashwords.com is a site where anyone can go ahead and self-publish an ebook (and when we say anyone, we really mean it). Smashwords takes a bulk of the tech work out of it for users and distributes it to just about any place anyone would want to buy an ebook. Follow a few formatting guidelines, upload a MS Word Doc and a cover, and BAM! you’re in the book business.
The ease of publishing means that a lot of people do it – for better or for worse. So here’s 10 really odd titles that we found. No, we didn’t read any of them, but that’s the fun of Smashwords, the window shopping. Although peeking inside the actual windows of some of these authors might be a dangerous proposition.
Zombies! Episode 2.2: The Good Fight by Ivan Turner [EBook Price – $9.99]
In the latest entry in this multi-part zombie series, a zombie hunter (yes, this is an actual job in Turner’s world) must go into a campground to clear it out of the undead. We have to be honest here – it’s not so much the title that grabbed us (there’s a LOT of zombie fiction on Smashwords) but the cover. It’s DIY publishing at its finest.
How To Be a Babysitter [EBook Price – $9.99]
Really? REALLY?! Who needs a book for this? Girls between the ages of 12-16? Not a huge market for a book. Plus no romantic vamps? What young woman would want to read a book without romantic vamps? Moving on.
100 Items to Disappear First After a Disaster by Joel Stevens [Ebook Price – FREE]
Who doesn’t need a list of what’ll be gone when the world ends? Probably the people that end up surviving, though, we don’t think checking a book on their eReader is high on the list of things to do after a disaster.
The Secret Operation in the Matriarch’s Kitchen by Ted Mahsun [Ebook Price: $0.99]
This humor title is about two hair dryers from outer space who come to earth to pick up the blender. We don’t even have to make a joke.
Boobs by Thomas Hanna [Ebook Price: $4.99]
Three college guys who like boobs get into a freak scientific accident and grow their own. Boobs on boobs? We like it. Putting this on the Xmas list.
Angel Baby Names by Elise Johnstone [Ebook Price: $0.99]
Who doesn’t want to name their baby after a creature that is supposedly following their every move? This book will help you pick out the right angel name for your kid on the theory that giving him or her a guardian angel name will help your child by “ensuring blessings for your little cherub as he/she sets out on life’s path.” Yeah, let us know how angelic they are when they smear their own poop on the wall. You’ll be talking to God out loud, but not in the praying way.
Doc! I Think I Have Chlamydia! by Samuel L. Krakow, MD [Ebook Price: $0.99]
Oh noes! Obviously, seeing an actual real live doctor is the best choice but you could pay $.99 to self diagnosis. You could also just look it up for free on WebMd.
Who DOESN’T need maritime websites for your next sea adventure? I gotta admit, I’d like to meet the Old Salt. Bonus points to him for making this ebook free.
WARNING — TREAD LIGHTLY ON THE LAST TWO CHOICES.
There is pornography on Smashwords. A LOT of porn, and most of it creeps us out. You can avoid getting erotica on searches by making sure the adult filter is on, which it usually is for us, but in the name of journalism we urned it off for this story. We can’t wait to put it back on again.
Merry F*@king Christmas by Heather Lane [Ebook Price: Free!]
Who doesn’t have fantasies about making merry with the Wal-Mart Santa? Wait, does Wal-Mart even have a Santa? Isn’t that just a homeless man with a Santa hat sleeping in the automotive section?
When He’s Inside You by Aphrodite Hunt [Ebook Price: $2.99 USD]
That’s quite a pen name – and cover. We had to crop most of it for your virgin eyes. You can image what’s going on in the rest of this photo. Apparently, that’s Cassie, who is on a business trip with Luke, who has boinked every woman Cassie knows, except herself. Oh man the cover ruined the ending!
Jen A. Miller is author of Book a Week with Jen where she – well, what does it sound like she did? P.S. One of the books is about threesomes.