If you’re looking for that extra special something to give your woman this holiday season, well, this is probably not the right list.

If you’re on the hunt for something fantastically ridiculous, and you’re  A) a rock star, B) the king of small country or C) own Facebook than here’s our top holiday gift picks of gifts so absurdly expensive that they at least need to be mentioned once.

$50 Gold Lollipops For the Sweet Tooth



Strawberry lollipop with edible gold is presented in a luxury gift envelope and suckers can expect to shell out $42.20– per pop. If that comes off as being a little too cheap, you can always give her David’s Signature ‘Beyond Gourmet’ Jelly Beans a “special blend” of the rarest and most exotic ingredients in the world enveloped in a 24-karat gold bean. They are packaged in an ridiculous crystal jar and priced at $500 or roughly half your monthly paycheck.

$7k Candle For the Soul-Seeker


If you have some extra cash to burn, and your girl gets all hot under the sweet glow of candlelight, consider wrapping up this one-of-a-kind candle. You’re bound to  hear her whisper ‘you are so getting some tonight’ as she unwraps the white satin bow to find a Diamond Bow Necklace around the candle. The pendant is encrusted with 38 brilliant diamonds has a 2.23 carat total weight and at $6,495 is slightly more than a Yankee Candle.

The $3,500 Coffee Machine For the Coffee Nut


Starbucks gift cards are for the occasionally employed. Impress her with an Impressa J9 One Touch TFT Coffee Machine. The list price is $3,500, but there’s a super-hot deal right now, and you can snag this badboy for a mere $2,799. You’ll save $701 and totally eliminate the need to go to Starbucks ever again. Which is great, because, you won’t be able to afford it.

The Pimped-Out Pacifier For the New Mom


Who doesn’t want the best for their little bundle of poop and his mom?  This pimped-out $17,000 pacifier will one-up every other kid in the crib…drool. You might want to hurry—only three left in stock so you’re urged to “order soon.” Unless you don’t love your child.

The “Fat Blaster” For the Beauty Product Lover


This $400 hand-held, electrical HoneyBelle bodybuffer’s patented oscillating technology uses micro and macro mechanical forces to effectively improve the feel and appearance of cellulite. Translation: If you buy her this cellulite blasting gadget, you better head for the hills. It means you think she is fat. It does make the perfect gift for the girl on your list you never want to hear from again. Drop the gift, then run. Quickly.

The Blender That Will Kill For the Culinary Girl


Blenders are sexy. Ok, so maybe they’re not exactly “sexy”  but if you’re going to get her a blender for the holidays, it better be the best one. The Vitamix 500 Bender will set you back $600 clams but it’s anything but sissy: A 2-peak horsepower motor propels the laser-cut stainless-steel ice-crushing blades up to 240 MPH. Don’t kid yourself. You know you want to drop stuff in there that isn’t food.

Dancing Fountains For the Woman That Needs it All


Fine art? Boring. Throw pillows? No way. How about snagging her some good old fashioned Dancing Fountains? Help her blow away the Joneses…no, make that annihilate them, with state-of-the-art fountain technology.  This charming spectacle with amazing grace costs a cool $1,000,000. Layaway option null. You might want to kick in a little extra for the outrageously inflated water bill.

Janene Mascarella is a lifestyle journalist whose work has appeared in The Washington Post,  CNN Money, Self, Glamour and CBS News. She writes about, well, just about everything. Follow her on Twitter at @MrsWrite.

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