Ryan Braun is gone. A-Rod gets the next nod. Melky could be sulky. Biogenesis CEO Tony Bosch's testimony is pegging PED-enhanced baseball player after player across the country like pins on a map, and because Braun accepted the punishment, Bosch's word is now gold.

Here's my performance-enhanced parody. (I brought the music down a few keys so I didn't shred my voice. Ssshhh. I won't tell if you won't.)