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Orioles Pitcher Hit Hardest By News of Hostess Demise

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The news of Hostess and their beloved fat cakes named Twinkies and that cupcake with the drunk swirl on top hit the country hard. Real hard. The person who will be most affected, however, is actually a professional athlete. No, not Pablo Sandoval, that dude lives on a diet on Cherry Coke and Cinnabons.

Baltimore Orioles pitching prospect and first-round draft pick Kevin Gausman is known for have some odd superstitions, much like almost ever other athlete. Gausman’s most important superstition involves gorging on four Hostess’ mini-powdered Donettes before every inning he pitches. Give us four Donettes and we can’t bend over to tie our shoes.

Word of Hostess going under sent into a freakout tweetout:

“Ok I need to go out to every grocery store and get Powdered Hostess Donnetts pronto!!!! Can’t believe they are going out of business. #Sad”

Sad indeed. Also sad is the fact that professional ballplayers have turned to legal powdered substances before each appearance.

Where have you gone Doc Gooden?

Next: BASKETBALL PLAYER SHOOTS AT HIS OWN BASKET…FOUR STRAIGHT TIMES!

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