Games

Check out this bit of hilarity by an English sports blogger who does commentary of CPUvCPU replays from NBA2K12. He doesn't have the first clue about basketball and sounds at least as uncomfortable as ESPN's Scott Van Pelt does describing any soccer highlight on SportsCenter.

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There are two ways to look at downloadable content: That publishers are holding back some good stuff in order to bleed some more money out of you, or that the new stuff is a sign that they’ve been hard at work making new levels and maps, extending the life of your purchase.

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The Dead or Alive fighter series has always worked its sales pitches like this: Come for the bouncing racks sported by its comely fighters, stay for the balanced brawling and finely-tuned physics.

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The official Call of Duty: Black Ops II reveal has come, and its debut trailer — no doubt the first of several we’ll be teased with in the next six months — reveals all sorts of tidbits about the next entry in the surefire blockbuster first-person shooter, due out Nov. 13.

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It may be called Mortal Kombat, but it keeps coming back with the regularity of an immortal serial killer in a slasher flick. After an April 2011 reboot, February saw the game come out again as the Komplete Edition, along with all the downloadable costumes and characters plus the 1995 movie.

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We’ve spent many hours yelling at The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, and the game’s always taken it in stride, pretending as though it didn’t hear us. Now it’s done playing nice. Thanks to an update released today, those playing the game on an Xbox 360 with a Kinect device hooked up will be able to control the game with their voice.

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Like a dude using a laptop with his pants around his ankles, Kratos has always been known for doing his own thing. The rage-fueled Spartan has gotten his rocks off by slashing enemies into oblivion. Everyone onscreen, even innocent bystanders, were nothing but fleshy balloons to be popped into red level-up orbs. But his next game, God of War Ascension, will change all that.

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If you thought Kinect Star Wars was weird and embarrassing, get a load of NBA Baller Beats. The Xbox 360 Kinect exclusive comes with its own basketball that you bounce in time to onscreen prompts.

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If you’ve romped your way through all the entirety of the deviously challenging Portal 2 and are hungry for more, there’s no sense in waiting around for Valve to make another game. Starting May 8, you’ll be able to deal with your Portal-ual frustration the same way you do your sexual frustration — by taking matters into your own hands.

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Gone are the days of the side-scroller for major consoles; even handheld devices have opted to first person or other formats. But they aren’t forgotten.

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