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12 Signs Your Kid Is Throwing Games for His Little League Team

2011 Little League Baseball World Series
Rob Carr, Getty Images

There are few things more American than the pride parents feel as they watch their little one run for fly balls and swing for the fence on the baseball diamond. The only thing more American is if their little one is on the take to throw the game.

Have you seen tuition rates lately? They gotta pay for college somehow and that’s even if they get a full baseball scholarship. Here’s how to tell if they aren’t playing on the “up and up.”

1. They spent the entire game in the outfield on a lawn chair sipping Mohitos.

2. Their pack of Big League Chew is full of singles.

3. The coach gives the old “win one for the Gipper” speech before they take the field to play against the Gippers.

4. Your teenage son is the pitcher and he has more Vaseline than the average teenage boy does.

5. Pete Rose is managing the team.

6. The team’s sponsor is N. Noway Shady Waste Management Company and Body Disposal Service.

7. Your kid dropped an easy pop fly because he was on the phone with his broker.

8. It’s the bottom of the ninth, two outs and the bases are loaded and your kid steps up to the plate, rears back the bat as the pitcher winds up and then…he bunts.

9. The coach’s equipment list includes sandpaper, cork and pepper spray.

10. The team is backed by the Koch Brothers.

11. The “10-year-old” pitcher has Randy Johnson’s arm, mullet and mustache.

12. The entire opposing team forfeited the game after joining the league’s news witness protection program.

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