10 Benefits To Having a Robotic Girlfriend
Robots may dream of electric sheep, but men dream of the perfect robot girlfriend. A woman who fits that perfect physical and mental ideal. Plus a robot woman just sounds easier to deal with.
Here are ten reasons it would be totally awesome to have a robot girlfriend.
1. Bragging Rights – Your buddy is dating a supermodel. Your other buddy brags about all the awesome sex he’s getting. Who cares because you’re dating a robot. You win, my friend.
2. Safety – When the robots begin their inevitable uprising – and believe us, this will happen – you’re on the inside track to just becoming a slave in the flesh-mines, instead of human fuel for their interstellar death machines and all you had to do was bone a toaster a few times. We mean ‘woman.’
3. No Pregnancy Scares – Robots can’t get pregnant. They don’t reproduce sexually, and also, have no reproductive organs. You also don’t have to worry about her time of the month. Not that you paid any attention when it happened to the human women you were dating.
4. Unlimited Texting and E-Mail – Never again have a girlfriend complain about all the time you spend texting, e-mailing, or checking Twitter on your phone because you’ll be texting, e-mailing, and checking Twitter on her. Though using any other devices besides her could be counted as cheating.
5. She Won’t Disagree With Your Theories on The Ending of LOST -You can program her to completely agree with all your theories on the ending to LOST. What’s in that Hatch anyway, huh? (Side-note: there were no more seasons of LOST after the first one, right?)
6. No Awkward Family Interactions – You’ll never be forced into a situation where she wants to meet your parents and vice versa. Ironically, you have met her parents, though you call them the ‘washer and dryer.’
7. Flash – She probably gets Flash, unlike those stupid iPhones, are we right? Who’s with us? Take that, Apple, you just got NAILED.
8. Easy upgrades – Let’s face it: at some point, most relationships start to wane, as we find one aspect or another in our significant other – from personality quirks, to looks, to being smarter than us and always beating us at ‘Uno’ – annoying. With a robot girlfriend, all you need is a simple software update, and problem solved.
9. Easily Identifiable As Good Or Evil– Want to know whether you’re new girl is going to lean more towards the dark side, or the good? All you have to do is hold your finger on her decal for a few seconds, and it will instantly reveal whether she’s an Autobot or a Decepticon. Bonus: if you’re lucky, she may turn into a boombox.
10. She’s All Metal, Baby – Who doesn’t want to take a horrible, clanking, belching, red-hot machine with glowing eyes and razor sharp, er, lady-parts to bed? Dream woman!